What We Have Done

today was an interesting day. it was good and at the same time it made me feel uneasy. at this point in my life there are two things that get me depressed: drinking and over thinking. it is easy to avoid drinking. usually if i have more than one drink, i get really sad. if i don't get sad, i feel good and then sick. but most of the time it just makes me sad.

over thinking isn't as easy to avoid. i can't tell myself i have to drive, so i can't over think. nor can i tell myself that by over thinking, there is no way i can afford health insurance in the fall. i can over think at the drop of a hat. i did that today. there was no reason to do so either. maybe that is why they call it over thinking, b/c you do way more than you need to. i wish they had over thinking anonymous. or maybe that is just called therapy (which probably doesn't come with the crappy health insurance i am trying to afford)

i wish i was back in middle school sometimes. that is a weird comment for a girl a month shy of 25, but it is true sometimes. i was rather fearless. i didn't think that i was going to be rejected (even though i often was) and i wasn't afraid of fighting back (or specifically pushing someone down and kicking them against a locker...). but now i am not so gungho about things. not that i wouldn't fight for things, but i am more consious about things and how people think about me. i don't do certain things not b/c i am not into doing them, but i am concerned about other people and the reactions that will follow.

i know that that is no way to live. trust me. there are so many people that i envy that are more free and open than i am. i hope that i can one day be that way. but i know that that isn't going to be anytime soon. i once told my only friend of mine that i was taking babysteps. while i am pretty sure that i'm not taking them in the wrong direction, i'm also thinking that they aren't exactly in the right direction either.




while today was interesting, sunday was fantastic.

i had work all day, but then i went to rockwood to see jessi's show. i have been jessi's friend for a while & seen her play for longer and still, everytime i see her perform it blows me away. i guess i forget what kind of voice can come out of her. and sunday night was no exception. it was her cd release show and i was super excited. jessi played with a full band, which i have never seen before. she was amazing and i was just really in awe of what she can accomplish.


i got some pictures and a couple videos.





seriously, check out her stuff. & if you like it, pick up a cd or tell me & i'll get one for you.