Out in the Hideout

i worked until closing tonight. i haven't really done that in a long while. on the way home, i noticed my ipod had just a little juice left in it so i put it on shuffle and let it guide me. a couple songs in, it gave me Sarah Harmer's "You Were Here"

i have been a fan of her's since junior year of high school. i finally got to see her live at the canal room two years ago. this song has basically made me a hot mess the second it comes on since 2000. i played it over & over. i sang at the top of my lungs. every note was felt in my bones. every note made me want to just die. but i still every note. i am a total masochist.

i create more problems than the world creates for me. is it still all that over thinking? i mean, i'd like to think i like myself. but sometimes i think i hate myself. i put myself into situations that i can't logically figure out. listening to songs that make me feel the way that this one does, isn't right. it makes me think of mistakes and all my foolish ideas.

i don't know. sometimes i just feel like i don't get even close to everything that i deserve to get. i mean i am i really that hideous & unlikeable?