[Now Playing] Wild Sweet Orange - Ten Dead Dogs
a bit ago i set it up so that this will feed directly to my facebook. it finally started showing up and i am currently taking a break from deleting all the post from here that currently turned into notes there.
but that made me look back at the things i have written about over the last couple months. and it made me even more sad about myself. today was a goodish day. i had work...which normally keeps my head busy. however there was a moment there near the end when all i wanted to do was just go home and was convinced that once i got there i was going to just lay in bed and cry
i forgot about that moment until now.
and now that i have it in my head, i feel stupid. starting now, i am actively going to try to fix what has been wrong with me the last couple weeks. part of me is a total mess. but the rest of me feels like every second of my current series of miserable moments is helping me. i want to get better. i want to feel secure in myself. but i have feared for so long that i will never get to that place. i guess i know myself so well that i am never going to be ok. maybe i need to just find a way to be ok with never going to be ok. i don't know. but i do know that i can't be where i am right now for any longer. cause if i do stay this way, it is going to be the end of me.
courtesy of Garfield Minus Garfield
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