reasons?
well i haven't been in the mood for too much. my days have been so filled with teaching and work. i've overslept twice since i have been here last. also crying your eyes out all the time does eventually take it's toll. i haven't been this emotional in a long time and i am not used to it. not that anyone should be. i think that i have cried at some point every day since monday.
i could blame it on so many things, but really it falls on myself. i do, think, read, touch, feel things that make me upset. my whole life has been that way. i run away from things, but at the same time i forcably keep myself connected to them. why? who knows. all that i do know is that i hate myself for being that way and i hate myself when i am that way.
lately i have been really interested in clouds. maybe it has been the shitfest my life has become. but there is something about them that really is pulling me in. in the car, i have been looking at the sky more than i have the road. friday of last week, the day before the big ol' tropical storm came, the clouds were amazing. when i was driving to the train station, i was totally blown away by what i saw. the speed the clouds were moving was faster than i have ever noticed them to be. i was riding on the train as the sun was starting to go down. i took so many pictures of the sun peaking out. part of me wanted to get off every stop so i could just stare up. the layers of clouds were baffling.
i took some pictures, but they didn't even come close to capturing what i was looking at:
it's the weekend so i have to work a whole bunch, but i do have hours free. which is good for my sleep cycle, but bad when it comes to distracting me from everything else.
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