nothing lasts forever

i sort of overslept for work. & i have spent my evening watching tool academy, drinking tea, eating waffles and downloading ray lamontagne.

i have also decided to actively not be an asshole anymore
it doesn't pay off and in the end i'm still all alone.

a couple weeks ago someone told me not to give up. and i said back to them, without missing a beat that i won't ever give up, but i am just done trying. it is sad & depressing, but it is what it is. no matter how much i have learned over the last couple years, it is never fun crying yourself to sleep and it is the pits not being wanted. sometimes i feel it is no one's fault but my own that my life has ended up in the place it has. i see happy couples and i am sad i'm alone. i hear about break-ups and i am glad to be single.

i guess it is a double edged sword no matter which way you swing it.

(i think i might have, even cryptically, said too much)