all the birds fly south

i can search the internet all i want...

but i'm still here
i'm still pathetic
and i'm still alone



i'm going to get my ipod out of my car, put
on some music & try to sleep my life away

tired of wasting time

[Now Playing] Manchester Orchestra - How I Waited

i feel really drained so far this evening

work was alright. but driving home today, i felt myself fading out a whole lot. i would just stare. sometimes thinking, sometimes not. and even at home, i've been pretty out of it. i feel like when my mind doesn't have anything to do, it just becomes this big messy mush.

i think i am going to watch tv and try to stop myself from the tears i can feel building up behind my eyes

retail doesn't count

labor day weekend has begun.

"Labor Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the first Monday in September. The holiday originated in 1882 as the Central Labor Union (of New York City) sought to create 'a day off for the working citizens'." (from wikipedia.org)

i'll be at the store eight hours a day for my entire three day weekend. but that's ok i guess. it gives me less time to hopelessly hopeless. and i'm finally doing some laundry. i was putting it off until i realized that if i didn't do at least one shirt, i would have nothing to wear to work tomorrow. and i don't think anyone there wants to see me naked. then again i don't want to be naked with anyone i work with...well at least no one from the music dept. ;o)



oh. i posted a garfield comic above. it is from this website called Garfield Without Garfield. it is a pretty neat concept. the guy who runs it, edits out garfield in all the comics so all you get is jon arbuckle. some of them are funny. others are just sad. i like them. the one above was the only one that i felt i could put there without being to obviously stupid/pathetic. maybe i'll change them up every now and again. but for now, this one is a keeper.

spoils of the spoiled

student teaching today went well. my teacher seems super nice & i think that we'll get along splendidly.

i just got myself the Mad Men soundtrack. i haven't seen the show, but the music from that period is just delightful. and anything with ella fitzgerald on it wins in my book. check it. i think i might make a copy and see if eric will let me play it in the store. i hope so.

i have class at 9:30, but i have to go get my parking permit & then get the forms for insurance. i don't have all the money for it. where is universal health care when my bank account needs it?






i don't think i like myself anymore.

i before e, except after c

i'm a creature of habit.


from the trivial...
i have had my current cell phone for over a year now...
and i still press the wrong buttons for certain features because those where the ones that i used on my old one

to the just plain fucked up
i know what will break my heart everytime...
and i still walk, talk, think, breathe in the direction that will make my heart crack even more



it is almost midnight. i'm not tired. i start student teaching again tomorrow. no matter how good my new hair looks, if i oversleep - i am fucked. plus i have to wake up even earlier than i need to b/c i have to actually make my lunch. oh real life...i don't adore you.

temporary fix

i'm home.


it was nice to see all my family but i had much less distractions than i need in my life. take away the family things, all i did this weekend was read 'watchmen' and listen to basically five albums. i don't know why, but i restricted myself to adele - 19, archer's of loaf - icky mettle, death cab for cutie - narrow stairs & all songs i have by gregory and the hawk (on the way home, i put on pablo, b/c staten island inspired me? and i haven't really listened to them in a long time)

i listened to the adele record the most. there are a couple songs on it that i totally fell in love with this weekend. granted, it is for all the wrong reasons, but whatever. one of those songs is "best for last." it is my new "Now Playing" song on the side of my page. enjoy.


so summer ends & real life officially begins on thursday. i start student teaching again bright & early on thursday. friday i have class and write out a check for $655 to pay for health insurance. joy. but other than the lack of money in my life, i am happy for my life to be busy again. my mind has never been ok when i have enough time to think about all the reasons for me to be unhappy. lately, more of them have been coming to life/resurfacing. hopefully four busy months spent in elementary school will keep my mind somewhat on track.

also tina is home from los angeles for a bit. she is going away with her family at the end of the week but then she stays home again for while before going back to the west coast. after that, laura comes home from oxford for good. it will be nice to have friends that live 5 minutes away from me again.

four lane highways

[Now Playing] Kevin Devine - Love me, I'm a Liberal

it is 245 am.
and i'm (not surprisingly) awake.

tomorrow is basically - laundry, gathering supplies, work till closing. then at ~5am on thursday, i'll be on my way to virgina. i won't be back until sometime sunday. it will be nice to see my family, but i'm not too thrilled about the the 8hrs worth of driving between my house & midlothian, va.

they all moved down there. but i think they should move back up.

why bother

sometimes, life makes me tired.

clare's gathering was groovy. got home late & had work at 9am. i didn't do much, but it went well. family came over for pizza & birthday cake.


i'm going to lay in bed & watch empire records. usually it is pretty pointless, but i might as well try to sleep. student teaching meeting tomorrow at 10am. joy.

at least i am going to see some people i enjoy.

blue moon

the moon is beautiful tonight.

last semester i was supposed to record the moon daily. i never did but i always looked at it. the habit of looking for the moon stuck. so tonight when i pulled into my driveway at about midnight, as i got out of the car - i looked up. it was beautiful. it lit up the whole sky. my dumb sister didn't leave the outside light on for me, but because of the moon, it wasn't an issue (even though i did walk through a spiderweb.)

i wanted to capture it, be able to share what i saw. i could have gotten my camera from the car, but it wouldn't do it justice. i do have crayons in my car, but crayola could never compare. then i thought how someone with the right vocabulary should be able to transfer what i saw to someone else. i don't have that way with words.

i have friends who can write a song, poem, even a blog, and portray something so vividly. i am a 25 year old that is only capable of bad teenage poetry and blogs about wondering how i hug. it seems that i am able to feel things sharply but resort to 3rd grade conversation to get them out.

but 3rd grade wordplay is better than nothing, no?

damn that smile

another year older, not another year wiser.