he don't suspect a thing

today, i bought a gogo's vinyl for only $1.99.
tonight, i almost stepped on a snail after babysitting.

goodbye july.

You know, people are very, very sensitive. No one takes
into account how sensitive a person really is. I don't mean
just a Scorpio or a Libra. Everybody, they're terribly
sensitive. And other people just don't understand how
sensitive a human being is. They don't understand it.
So they run roughshod over everybody. - Edie Beale

everytime i watch either documentary, i find some line that touches me in a new way. the whole thing is real. and i keep finding a bit of myself in these crazy women.

when i lay to take my rest

i didn't fall asleep until well after 2am last night.
my cat woke me up by poking me in the face starting at 6am.

now off to the bookstore.
hopefully this is an easy day.

----------------
Now playing: A.A. Bondy - Black Rain, Black Rain
via FoxyTunes

decayed from the start

I built you a home in my heart
With rotten wood that decayed from the start
Because you can't find nothing at all
If there was nothing there all along
...
I'm a war of head versus heart
And it's always this way
My head is weak, my heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say


ok. work in the morning.
time to sleep all these thoughts away.

the sound of you working

i went to bed not too long after that post last night.
this morning i woke up a little after 5am. bizarre.

there are a couple albums/artists that i have been playing a shit ton lately...city & colour, bess rogers, jenny owen youngs. and i need to change my Now Playing song, so one of these lovely people will be getting that spot. i'm not entirely sure who will be getting it though (but it's not city & colour, because i'm not that depressed right now)

both jenny & bess are great, but i think this one is going to go to the lovely Bess Rogers. her new EP is great. i downloaded it off itunes the other day, but i need to get a physical copy of it.

in other music news, today i have acquired some tickets for concert experences:
august 9th - blink182/falloutboy/takingbacksunday at jones beach (totally lol-worthy)
august 11th - kevin devine at the note in west chester, pa
october 31st - the get up kids/kevin devine at irving plaza (boo. i wanted brooklyn)
november 28th - brandnew/glassjaw(!!)/tba special guests at nassau colesieum

there are a bunch of shows coming up the next couple weeks too. there is a little thing in the side bar for the whole list. i totally forgot about planning for the blondie/pat benatar show. tina reminded me when we were on the phone. i am getting excited again for it (even though i would like to be at the tori amos show maybe a little more). i guess that means more vacation days at work are being taken off.

some faith would do me good

it has been quite a bit since i have been here.

i want to write a lot, but i have had the worst headache since about 2pm.

but i'm still here.
i'm still alive.
sort of.

you question your vulnerability

sarah harmer,

oh, how your musical interludes slay me. i have been listening to 'all of our names' for the past 30 minutes. this album is the one out of the three that i never got into. ['you were here' was my bible in high school. 'i'm a mountain' made me think liked bluegrass music for a couple months back in 2006.] but i think this listen might cause me to really fall into this record. please return to the united states soon so i can once again be in awe of your talent and beauty.

thanks for everything, katharine.

ps. it took me eight years to finally see you live. i don't want to wait that long again. so any time before 2012 would be grand.

might be but never are

be my pleasure to sit here
and talk with you all day.
but there's no part of me
that's not wasting away...



i can't do what i want to do.
i need to do what i don't want to do.
and what i don't want to do is exactly what i should be doing.

make sense?

i only have a friend

did someone say lighten the mood?
no? well i'm going to do it anyway!



best show ever.

now i am going to go back to learning "Just a friend" on my uke.

how far back can you remember

katharine: i wonder what my open letter to myself would be.
helen: hmmm something to think about

i think i will think about it tonight.
perhaps even hand write it tomorrow.

but for now, back to grey gardens.

fighting what must be said

"no, just give yourself time" helen

i'm so close to unquitting.

but one of my favorite ladies
just saved my life once again.

so i hold on tight to letting go

so far so good. it hasn't been as hard as i thought it was going to be.

the one biggest things bumming me out about life is that i am working when tickets for the get up kids & kevin go on sale. i am going to need to ask for a favor from a friend at some point next week.

(ps - my subject lines are always lines from songs. this one is from an ingrid michaelson demo walk away. i have yet to find a free standing copy on the internet, so i think when i get home i am just going to rip it from her loverly twitter site. anywho, you need to listen to it. sometimes demo recordings are my favorite. they are just simple & right to the point. they are also often leaps & bounds different than the final product. i mean i never would have guessed that kevin's carnival would have evolved into the gem that it is. i am interested to see if this makes it to an album or this is basically all that will come of it. either way, i find the low-fi sound and crackles absolutely charming & makes the song possibly better for me than if it was done in a professional studio.)

looking back it seems so real

according to dictionary.com
quit /kwɪt/ quit or quit⋅ted, quit⋅ting, adjective
1. to stop, cease, or discontinue
2. to depart from; leave (a place or person)
3. to give up or resign; let go; relinquish
4. to release one's hold of (something grasped).
5. to acquit or conduct (oneself).
6. to free or rid (oneself)
7. to clear (a debt); repay

i don't think i have been more ready to do it, to quit.

i am a firm believer that no one makes a change unless motivated. sometimes, it takes something big. sometimes, it takes something small. sometimes, it takes the most obvious thing in the world. other times it just takes finally excepting failure. that is where i am at.

the most obvious thing could be hanging on a sign on the pink elephant in the room, and i might still pass it by. but sometimes the elephant can't be avoided anymore. sometimes the hurt is larger than the elephant. sometime i have to act like the adult i pretty much am at this point.

so here is where i begin to be an adult in this situation.

well, sort of. all i know is the outcome that i need to help me move forward in life. the path i take to get there might not be mature, but neither are the cryptic blog entries that i will continue to type up every other day. but maturity doesn't matter at this point, not with this...not anymore.

because there is only so much avoiding you can do of of reality until you are forced to avoid the fantasy you have created.

we always ignore the biggest things
we swore, we swore we never saw,
so all in all my head is sore...
just ignore the elephant that's hanging around,
and i could be your best friend.
Miracle of 86

and i listen for the whisper

when i have nothing constructive to say, i guess i post videos.

this song doesn't have anything to to do with again either. i just go in & out of loving amanda palmer. and this video makes me love her.

don't you know i thought of you

life has been pretty nuts lately.

ups. downs. inbetween.

but at least that means that things aren't boring?



this song has nothing to do with anything really, i just love it and i forget how much i love jaymay & this album until i pick it up again or a song comes up on my shuffle. you can literally hear me in the beginning of the recording say "i love this song." i've heard them sing it together twice & it never gets old to me.




the next show she has up in new york is on my birthday.

phooey.

i'd rather be a mystery

i'm a fake.

not in the terrible way (then again is there a good fake?) but in the way that i have to adjust to my surroundings to get through the day. if i were to say the things i feel or do the things i really wanted, i would be in a different place. my problem is i don't know if that would be a good thing or not.

in every given situation, there is the thing that i did & then something that i wish i would have done. be it the way i would have spoken to this person, the way i would have completed that task or even the way i would have crossed the street.

there is a john mayer quote that has rung true to me since my early days as a freshman in my dorm at stony brook:
One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just want to be liked
I just want to be funny
Look like the joke's on me
So call me Captain Backfire

it fits me perfectly. i want to believe that i live my own life, but i don't. i want to impress. i want to be liked. there is nothing wrong with that in theory (i mean even john mayer felt that way), but part of me will forever feel foolish for it.

stillness will sweep you away

this song, along with the whole new record, is so delightful.



check out her daytrotter sessions. i'm always hit or miss with them. usually the full band type things don't do it for me personally. jenny's session is ok (i think mostly this comes from lightning rod not being a track i regularly enjoy), but it is free so you really can't go wrong. but both of her albums are outstanding.


on a side note, helen is coming to town tonight. kebabs will be consumed & songs will be covered. i'm legitimately excited & wish it was already time for her arrival. but before she gets here, i am going to get the new wilco album & this "band in a box" thing they have at the bookstore. exciting!