the cure for a broken heart

this is the last time i am doing this. after this, i give up. i'm done trying & i'll just accept it. if it happens, then it happens. but i'm not looking for it any longer.

whatever, being alone probably isn't too bad.

your head is far too blurry

my life is a series of the same shit over and over
i'm no longer surprised by what happens anymore
more often than not, i just have made myself forget
then i do the same thing over again with no avail

i need to get ready for work (or at least looking for clothes to wear). but i don't want to go. i switched with a coworker so i don't have to go in until 6pm. but i would have rather called in sick than go in. i am no mood to do anything right now. i think i might grab my ipod & listen to a song that i know will make me cry. but why would i want to do that? why would i want to further along the shitty mood that i am in?

haunted by the ghost of you
reminds you what you didn't do
inara george

It's sad but it's true

new Now Playing song is up. the new lily allen record isn't as good as the first one, but it is pretty rockin' at times. this is a good track. kind of makes me want to die, but what else is new?

(stolen & altered from a softer world)

i had a long talk with LD yesterday morning. it really wasn't a long talk for most people, but when it comes to me - anything is pretty lengthy since i never talk about things. it reopened some things, but it wasn't terrible. one good thing was that it made me feel like i should write here more. the original goal was to make this a music blog, which failed. then it was to write in here about every other day, which i have been failing at. so even if it is trivial, i want to make sure i keep leaving my mark.

just wanna take your hand

when it comes to days & moments like this i could just lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling for hours.

i should have left the house today but i didn't.
twas not the best choice.

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Now playing: Kings of Leon - Manhattan
via FoxyTunes

press 7 to delete

i save phone messages.

i always have. if i get one that strikes a chord, i press 9 and keep it. there are some that make me smile. there are some that make me want to die. there are others that make me smile & then want to die. verizon used to let me have 40 of these. now i am down to a 20 message inbox. this has proven to be a good thing. it helps me let go of things. i could seemingly have moved on, until it has been 21 days & i have to decide again if i want to keep that person's voice. i kept some from my ex well after we broke up...but at this point there is nothing there. i don't know how many i deleted or were automatically deleted after they expired. i am going to go with that i deleted most of them.

i think i have 18 saved at the moment. this isn't too good b/c it only allows me 2 spots. i mean no one calls me & rarely do they leave messages. i might go through them now & see which ones no longer hold the same weight as they did 21 days prior. i need to make room for new recorded hilarities & mindfucks.

All the evidence points in one direction
Says I don't need you physically around
I've got your voice on tape
I've got your words in me
I don't want anything else
I don't want anyone else
(Jenny Owen Youngs)

always the last one to leave

it's been a while.
i should be dressed for work already, but i am putting it off.

maybe when i come home from work i will write something worth writing. but i doubt it.

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Now playing: Bayside - Beautiful Girls
via FoxyTunes

second hand news

a good day
but i still feel crappy.

hopefully tomorrow lifts my spirits.
hopefully i lift myself out of bed tomorrow to get to sharkey's.

In my dreams I walk with you

right now, i'm just futzing around.

i pre-ordered brother's blood for kevin's looney tunes in store. between his record & manchester, i am going to be going back & forth from there too often in april.

plans for the day include:
- laundry
- baking cookies with laura
- fleetwood mac with lady helen

i should probably shower & get started with my day.

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Now playing: Kevin Devine - Carnival
via FoxyTunes

did you all miss those feelings

i've actually been super content with my life as of late.

well, this is not counting the ~30 seconds at work today when i started to fade out & wanted to die.

we are going to just ignore that span of time.

i know what they want

i haven't been here in a week. sorry.

now is where the standard "i haven't been busy, but i just haven't thought about it" reasons for not typing things should show up in this box.

but i'm going to pass on that.

monday was a huge snow storm. i had to work that night. it was changeover. ugg. there is nothing that i hate more than driving in the/after it there has been snow than doin so at midnight when it has now all frozen over. but i made it home alive. so i can't complain.

tuesday was nothing special as i recall. i worked. but that is nothing new.

wednesday was a good day. manchester orchestra played at mercury lounge. lately i have not wanted to go out. it is a mix of getting old & apathy. up until the moment i meet up with friends or get to where i am supposed to be, i'd rather be home. there are points in my travel when i honestly think that i could turn around & have no problem with it. i felt that way last week before matchless. and i felt like that wed afternoon. but from the second mr. hull walked on stage, i felt better. i knew this was exactly where i wanted to be. without rambling on & on, like i could, it was a magical evening. i haven't had this good of a tunes/hangs night in a long time.

thursday was nothing too wonderful. it was a good work night.

friday was good too. watchmen & fridays with sharkey. babysitting at night. i think that was all.

today, not too bad. another splendid work day. i did get a check from the state for $354...which is already spent in my head.


other than that, i don't know what to say. so i shall say no more.