to hell with heaven

this past week it snowed a good amount.

while driving this past week, i have seen more than a handful of cars that obviously haven't left the spot they are in in over a week. it leaves me wondering what lives these people lead where they can stay in the house for a week, or at least not need to use their vehicle for that span of a time.

it is funny how in just a couple months your life could go completely from one place to another. how the people on your life could totally change in such a short period of time.

but right now, I couldn't be happier with how things have changed.

too few years to be gone

no matter how ok i am, matchbox 20's "hang" makes me sad.

i stared over his shoulder

i've been terrible at this lately.

but my theory is that i write the most when i am unhappy. and i'm not unhappy these days. so this place isn't in the front of my mind.

in other news. i was thinking about buying a domain name. but i don't exactly know how to write more html code than what you need to add a link or a photo. this might prove problematic.

don't stop believing

i got pulled over on the way home from sharkey’s tonight.

some choice soundbites from the officer:
- aren’t you supposed to slow down at a yellow light?
- and you know there is police station right over there?

and after me sounding as sad & sorry as possible and the wise words of “just slow down,” i was set loose with no ticket…and then proceeded to talk on the phone the rest of my drive home.

i guess i’ll never learn.

maybe less pushing would be good

this is post number 300.

i remember i called attention to entry number 150. funnily enough it was one year and a day ago. it was an entry not about feeling ok, but more about feeling better. at that point i was hurting pretty badly. but now i'm not. it is funny what a year can do or what a shift in situations can do. i would say for the 4-6 months, my life has felt ok. i rarely have been able to say that honestly but it has finally been true.

it hasn't been one person or one situation that is making me feel this way...but i think it has just been a general shift in me feeling better about my life and who i am.

it might be temporary, it might be semi-long lasting. all i know is that i am going to ride this wave as long as i can.

and i posted a video at 150 for what i felt then. this video was from a night that felt beyond perfect...even though the side of my face is in this way more than it should be (thanks becca).

tonight is our last stand

yesterday was a great day.

i woke up showered and left the house with no lag time between. i went out with the laurens and spent some good bonding time with the two of them & jenn. then i went to hana's and the groups lost a member but gained some. we bonded more over dominos pasta bread bowls and the shitty remake of fame.

oh, and we put my cat to sleep yesterday.
that was a not so great part.

lord knows it'll be the first time

I go in and out of caring these days. i have been feeling nostalgic lately. it reminds me of a line from (500) days of summer - "next time you look back, I think you should look again."

but I'm happy right now. so I don't care and I'm not going to start caring.

you ran to his heart wire house

i listened to a good amount of the smiths last night. very enjoyable.

the rest of things are still hazy. i think i am figuring things out. but i'm not sure. i think by the end of the year, i will have things on the right page. this isn't a "new year, new katharine" type statement. just things are so hectic right now with work and schedules that after christmas i will be able to breathe and have some time to do what needs to be done. and hopefully some of the snow will have melted by then. fucking blizzard.

sometimes you don't say or think

I'm starting to think that things aren't going to ever work splendidly for me. and not that I should settle, but that I should take what is thrown my way. I think everyone in this world want something more grand than they could ever have. but you can't always have that perfect situation. sometime you can never have it.

so what do you do? so you wait it out? see if your ideal will come your way and dismiss everything that doesn't perfctly fit your expectations?or do you work with what you have? take what is given to you even if it isn't what you had hoped?

maybe that less than perfect situation might turn out to really be all that you needed to begin with. who knows.

Funny how I'm nervous still

i'm not confused anymore.

now it's me being nervous, but i'm trying to be positive.

i just don't want to fuck things up before they begin.

the way I see myself so confused

i'm at fork in the road. do i do what i want or do what i should?

if this is only a test

i hope that i'm passing

-pedro the lion

how can I say when I don't know

it's been a bit.

+ I just finished a strangers with candy marathon.
+ turkey day was good. black Friday is tomorrow.
+ i'm not going to say things are well, but things are well.

bedtime.

been down one time

there are many things i have tried to quit before but this one isn't hard.

i was talking to hana the other day when i realized something. this entry isn't me pretending that i am over anything. nor is it me sad. it isn't even me reaching out. it is me putting it fully to rest because i really don't care enough about it to hold on.

looking for a storyline

i'm a slacker, sorry.

i got up at 430 this morning for no reason. i have nothing else to say really. so enjoy this picture...



then watch the trailer.

i'm seeing this the moment it comes out. midnight showing?

way down to silver road I go

sometimes I long to magically be someone I don't think I could ever become on my own. other times I don't want to ever be someone I couldn't become through learning and growing.

save her soul until she shines

it has been an interesting couple days when it comes to my emotions.

today Hana was an amazing friend (whih is a shock since most other days she is just plain awful). thanks for making me feel better sporto. I needed it.

tomorrow I am going out to east bumblefuck long island to visit Chrissy. it will be a good time without a doubt.

don't turn out like me

i'm listening to the new album by Destry on ap.net

it's actually good. i didn't think michelle could actually carry an album by herself. but it is enjoyable. everytime i see straylight, i really miss her parts in the older songs. so listening to this after last night makes me happy. maybe i am just biased, but she is a sweetheart & i'm happy that she is doing her thing even if it's on her own.

in other news, i'm in a fuck you kind of mood. not a bad one, but like an "i'm awesome" kind of fuck you. hopefully this lasts. so i'm going to go get some pumpkin ice cream and enjoy my morning.

The music floats like smoke

I'm never going to underestimate the power of music, friends and food ever again.




thanks to Straylight Run, Tina, Jackie and bubble tea for a really good night.

it's nice to be liked

i’m kind of in the mood to lie in bed and not move for the next 3 days. but i’m going to go see straylight run and hopefully feel better about myself.

i can’t wait. i hope it works.