for a small piece of sanity

i'm going to philly tonight to see kevin & brian play at northstarbar.


(from the last time i was there to see kevin, i think?)

i can't wait to see the team. it is always a good time when we get together. i told jess that i plan on taking one saturday off a month this summer to go down to do radio & hangs. i didn't go down at all last summer and that made me sad. i mean they did go on tour for most of the summer, but there were other times i could have been there but didn't go. this summer i am definitely taking off more and doing some fun shit.

~

life has been really good as of late. i have seen all of my respective crews lately (minus brigitte & helen, but they left me a nice message the other day which kind of made up for them getting ice cream without me). i have shows coming up. work has been alright, despite the normal gripes. i try not to think about being without "another half" and lately it hasn't been that hard. i've been content with where i am.

let me make you smile

i was thinking about this earlier tonight, when my thoughts trailed off...regardless of the unrealistic nature of my thoughts friday night, it was a nice feeling that i miss having.

it was nice to feel something good for a while. and even if it was somewhat wasted, it was nice to have my thoughts & actions entertained for a bit.

the better you sound

over the last 4 yrs this man has changed my life.



tonight was #40. it is impressive i think for someone who never leaves the basic tri-state area for shows. how could i see someone in concert 40 times? it seems silly when i think about explaining it to some people. not everyone can get it. ever since may of 2005, things have been different. it wasn't right away but there was a change.

i have people in my life that i would have never had known if it wasn't for going to shows. jess and becca have become an important part of my existence. it took one statement in the empress dinner to let them know that i was legit...and then there was no turning back. life has been hangs, jams and gravy (literally) since then. there have been many people that have come along with my girls, which have defintiely been some good folks.

and the man himself. very possibly one of the greatest people i know. he is a solid dude who can write some of the best music i have ever heard. tonight i would have been embarassed to watch myself. i was rocking out hard, not holding back. but i didn't care. i was jamming out because eveything that he said, every note his voice hit and every strum from the guitar moved me (yes ladies, even fever moon). there are songs that have made me cry. there are songs that just make me dance. every song hits me in a different way & is real.

i am trying to think of a good way to express these feelings, but i can't think of anything that makes sence out of my head. all i know is that 4 years ago was the release show for split the country, split the streets. tonight was the release show for brother's blood. and in that time kevin has gone from being "some dude openning for john nolan" to a major part of my existence.

i hope this never goes away.
i have a feeling it never will.

so you better move fast

tonight is kevin at bowery. i am legit excited for this. i haven't seen kevin play in what seems like a long time, even though i know that it isn't long for most normal people. i saw this video this morning and it made me think of every kevin show where he plays "no time flat" or anything else that people feel the need to clap in.



i mean i am all about group participation. but you need to know the right and the wrong time. i mean in the song, it is clear when the clapping begins, along with the group singing. i love jenny lewis more because of her clear knowledge of her own song.

and that one fan that you can clearly hear yell "not now!"

i'm missing something big

the more i listen to it, the more i realize how epic the new manchester orchestra album is. even though i think the state of music is definitely on a steep downward path, there are times when i hear something that just changes things.

this record is one of them.

and even though i have listened to it basically everyday since it leaked, the moment i physically get kevin's new record is going to be one of those moments as well.

Music this magnificent & medicine
are one in the same.
They make life worth living,
hearts worth healing
Boys Night Out

my voice is sounding fine

no sad post today because yesterday was national record store day!

i hung out at looney tunes all day & i got a bunch of cool stuff.


which also helped me finally total 600 cds.

now i can finally enjoy the new manchester orchestra record without this sinking feeling that jeremiah will beat down my door telling me to delete all my files. the album leak was a crappy quality anyway. but the kevin leak on the other hand...so wonderful. but that gushing will officially be able to happen sometime next week.

the cure for a broken heart

this is the last time i am doing this. after this, i give up. i'm done trying & i'll just accept it. if it happens, then it happens. but i'm not looking for it any longer.

whatever, being alone probably isn't too bad.

your head is far too blurry

my life is a series of the same shit over and over
i'm no longer surprised by what happens anymore
more often than not, i just have made myself forget
then i do the same thing over again with no avail

i need to get ready for work (or at least looking for clothes to wear). but i don't want to go. i switched with a coworker so i don't have to go in until 6pm. but i would have rather called in sick than go in. i am no mood to do anything right now. i think i might grab my ipod & listen to a song that i know will make me cry. but why would i want to do that? why would i want to further along the shitty mood that i am in?

haunted by the ghost of you
reminds you what you didn't do
inara george

It's sad but it's true

new Now Playing song is up. the new lily allen record isn't as good as the first one, but it is pretty rockin' at times. this is a good track. kind of makes me want to die, but what else is new?

(stolen & altered from a softer world)

i had a long talk with LD yesterday morning. it really wasn't a long talk for most people, but when it comes to me - anything is pretty lengthy since i never talk about things. it reopened some things, but it wasn't terrible. one good thing was that it made me feel like i should write here more. the original goal was to make this a music blog, which failed. then it was to write in here about every other day, which i have been failing at. so even if it is trivial, i want to make sure i keep leaving my mark.

just wanna take your hand

when it comes to days & moments like this i could just lean back in my chair and stare at the ceiling for hours.

i should have left the house today but i didn't.
twas not the best choice.

----------------
Now playing: Kings of Leon - Manhattan
via FoxyTunes

press 7 to delete

i save phone messages.

i always have. if i get one that strikes a chord, i press 9 and keep it. there are some that make me smile. there are some that make me want to die. there are others that make me smile & then want to die. verizon used to let me have 40 of these. now i am down to a 20 message inbox. this has proven to be a good thing. it helps me let go of things. i could seemingly have moved on, until it has been 21 days & i have to decide again if i want to keep that person's voice. i kept some from my ex well after we broke up...but at this point there is nothing there. i don't know how many i deleted or were automatically deleted after they expired. i am going to go with that i deleted most of them.

i think i have 18 saved at the moment. this isn't too good b/c it only allows me 2 spots. i mean no one calls me & rarely do they leave messages. i might go through them now & see which ones no longer hold the same weight as they did 21 days prior. i need to make room for new recorded hilarities & mindfucks.

All the evidence points in one direction
Says I don't need you physically around
I've got your voice on tape
I've got your words in me
I don't want anything else
I don't want anyone else
(Jenny Owen Youngs)